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05 October 2006 @ 02:46 pm
Words cannot explain the atrocity of this film. The idea sounded great but it falls about 6 miles before the finish line, it's no where near good. A Sound of Thunder is based on a a short story by Ray Bradbury of the same name. It was Directed by season veteran Peter Hyams. He has directed good films such as:

The Star Chamber
Running Scared
Narrow Margin

Just to name a few. As a matter of fact he would average at least about or above 6 out of 10 so i have a feeling that all involved knew this was going to be a train wreck. The rest of the post will be behind a cut.

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04 June 2006 @ 10:23 pm
I went to my parents house on Friday so that i could meet up with mourning_cloak6 so that we could go to a wedding. While i was there the truly AWFUL Hercules with Lou Ferrigno was on. I remember watching this as a kid and liking it. Man, what was i thinking?!? EVERYTHING was bad. What made the acting even worse was the fact that it was dubbed over in Hercules tradition as all of the films were as well. This was filmed in Italy and written and directed by Louis Cozzi who was also the writer and director of the abomination Starcrash, but that's a whole different post all together. Picking on this film is easy, it's like kicking a man when he's down and you know he's been beaten yet you do it anyway. It's so bad you can't help but laugh. My fav bad scene which i had the pleasure of seeing again and has also been mentioned on IMDB is when he fights the bear which includes stock footage of a bear and someone in a REALLY bad bear suit for the fight scene. This bear is attacking his father and by the time he beats the living shit out of the bear he realizes his father is dead. In his rage and anger towards this he propels the bear into outer fucking space, i shit you not! My fav line?

"Will you help me witch?"

Even though it was dubbed i can just see Lou doing the lines with his hearing impairment. I can't help it.

Check out this bitchin' movie poster!

 
 
21 January 2006 @ 01:08 am
Underworld:Evolutions blows.
This is typical of the style-over-substance school of filmmaking. The bulking out the 45 minute script with an hour of, well...bulk.
It's like the writer sat down at his laptop one afternoon and decided to write the script for this. Whenever he needed a break whether it be a wiz, a dump or a smoke, he'd just type "insert visuals scene" and it would correspond to his immediate biological imperative. There were bullets and fangs and hooters aplenty so he mustn't be able to sit still for very long.

Can somebody explain to me why the main villian was doing what he was doing? Other than just being a baddie, of course. He ran around and fanged a lot of people, and got his revenge and all, but...

There were a lot of little annoyances, but that helicopter/buzzsaw was just silly.
 
 
Current Mood: pissy
 
 
08 January 2006 @ 11:21 pm
I must preface this review by letting you know that I only watched the first half of The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I simply could not allow myself to waste another hour of my life watching the rest of it. This movie could have been funny because the plot (which is summarized very well in the film's title) has the potential for a lot of laughs. Basically, there's a guy Andy (Steve Carell) who works in an electronics store, and one night he reveals to his coworkers that he's never had sex before. Andy's friends get over their initial shock and make it their personal mission to coach Andy on how to be a hit with the ladies and succeed in helping him get laid.

Unfortunately, the movie relies on a lot of tasteless humor, and while I realize that kind of thing appeals to a lot of people, it doesn't appeal to ME at all. The first five minutes of the film revolve around Andy's erection, and the rest of the time is spent trying to cram as many dirty and vulgar words into each scene as possible. The jokes aren't funny, there's a lot of unnecessary lewdness, and it's just...NOT GOOD!

I am not a prudish moviegoer by any means. I wish that Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler had taken this concept and run with it, because they probably would have produced a much better film. The 40-Year-Old Virgin is a tasteless piece of cinematic BS that consists of a ton of nudity, profanity, vivid descriptions of various sexual acts, and not much else. Some of you might enjoy it, but I consider myself to be above this kind of humor and I expect a lot more out of movies than garbage like this.
 
 
28 October 2005 @ 03:12 pm
Just saw Land of the Dead last night, and after reading all of the positive reviews that the film got during its theatrical release (enough to score it a fresh 73% rating on RottenTomatoes.com), I can only assume that the title refers to the shambling, soulless hordes of film critics populating publications around the world (Bring me the head of Stephen Whitty!!!!).

I've always said that you know a movie is bad when you find yourself rewriting it while you are watching it, and I was well beyond that out of the gate when my first decision would have been to NOT to the opening credits in such a way that they look like they were ripped off of the excellent opening credit sequence of Dawn of the Dead (not Romero's flimsy, poorly edited original, but the kick-ass remake that put even his best zombie film, Day of the Dead, to shame). Of course, seeing both Dennis Hopper and Asia Argento acting (snicker) in the same film is a huge red flag to begin with. But I digress...

From there on in, it becomes a matter of compiling the laundry list of things not to do (re: let Romero write the screenplay), things that didn't make sense (society collapses, yet a remaining outpost of humanity still works in a capitalist structure run by a rich white guy, instead of a socialist barter-system police state run by the military that protects the inhabitants from the zombie masses), and things that should have never gotten past the first draft (Zombie Freedom Fighters? Bwa-ha-ha!)

The high point for me was the scene in which Asia Argento is thrown in a pit with two zombies while spectators take bets on which one will rip her flesh apart with their bare teeth, mostly because it was almost identical to a recurring dream I have, except in my dream the zombies are always Sean Hannity and Dr. Phil, and Asia is never rescued in the nick of time by a bland, uninteresting hero just so he can drag her pointless goth-chick persona around a zombie wasteland for over an hour. I actually stopped the film after the first twenty minutes and went back to the credits just to make sure that Romero wrote and directed it, as I didn't want to be totally unfair and blame the horribly cliched and heavy-handed dialog on him without proof that he was the guilty party.

I've got so much more to say about this film, but I don't want to spoil any of it for you other brave souls intending to slog through Romero's newest attempt at being a real filmmaker. I will, however, bet mr_gabagool a stack of DVD blanks that he can't guess what my favorite line (the only good line, really) in the film was.

Oh, and in my version of Land of the Dead, I'd have Carpenter direct. But I wouldn't let him write it, either.
 
 
 
21 September 2005 @ 11:16 pm
This movie really annoys me. I like the animation, it is the content that bugs the F$%k outta me. It is nothing more than an excuse for the director's friends to mentally wank each other.

I hated it so much, that I posted a comment on IMDB about it.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243017/usercomments-361
 
 
12 September 2005 @ 08:05 pm
How's that for a crap-ass movie.

The whole premise is that this ship had its hyperdrive engines open a gateway to the Evil Dimension and Sam Neil gets possesed and pulls a Damian on the whole ship. The movie has so many loopholes/flaws/etc that I'd spend more time pointing them out then actually watching the damn flick. How friggen lay-mo is this piece of dung? Pretty friggen lame.
 
 
11 September 2005 @ 12:44 am
Why is it that DIE HARD, and LETHAL WEAPON are so loved. Loved enough for sequels even? It seems like everytime I turn around some chapter of either of these fucking trainwrecks is on TMC or some other cable station. How hard is it to throw money at cars, guns, and explosions? What'd they do to write these movies anyway, throw some cheesy one liners onto some index cards and slap them together on a table? I guess if nothing else they made sure to use actors who are only capable of delivering the occasional 'DUH" on que.
 
 
10 September 2005 @ 10:22 pm
So i watched it last night and hated it. I'm sorry, but this was not a as good a film as people are saying. Another thing that bothered me is Johnny Depp's performance. I know i know, i REALLY like Johnny as an actor, but this was not his film. I'm also not comparing this film to the first nor am i comparing to the book. I'm just judging what i saw. It didn't work, the music didn't work, the acting didn't work and Wonka definitely didn't work. I also HATED the Oompa Loompas or i should say one tiny indian actor to play EVERY single Oompa on screen. I wanted to punch him in the mouth, he annoyed me. I just hated the way he talked, the way his mouth moved, the way HE moved...Grrrrrrrrrr!

Tim Burton is WAY to hit or miss for me. He's never in between. He always gets Danny Elfman to do his music and it ALWAYS sound exactly the same as the last. Burton just jumps at any chance to make a movie that's either a dark setting, winter or fucking both. Do something different!

All in all this gets a very big thumbs down from me. I'm watching Batman Begins tonight and i KNOW that's it's going to be fan-fucking-tastic!
 
 
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
 
 
10 September 2005 @ 10:13 pm
I just made this community. It's called this_movie_sux. It's basically a place you can go to complain and rant about a movie you've seen that really sux and you just have to vent somewhere. It doesn't matter if you wasted $10+ at the theater, rented it, pay per viewed it, own it, watched it on tv or cable, it all applies. If anyone is interested join up!
 
 
Current Mood: accomplished